Thursday, December 29, 2011

There’s Something Fishy Going On

Earline’s ringtone sounds: *** Mama said there'll be days like this, There'll be days like this Mama said…
(Mama said, Mama said) Mama said there'll be days like this, There'll be days like this my Mama said.
(Mama said, Mama said)

Earline: Hello?

Voice in phone: MMnnhhhvvpppp!!!  Bbrrfffzzdd?
Argon: Mew (Translation-I’m hiding.) {Scampers under Earline’s bed.}

Earline: I’ll be right there. (Disconnects and dashes out her bedroom door.)

Heisenberg: Meowww Yow! (Translation- Don’t hide. It makes you look guilty.)

Argon: Mrowwwwp !! (Translation- Quick- help me delete this email and turn off her laptop.)

{Kittens scamper about mysteriously then curl up on window seat pretending to nap.}

Mama’s Office:

Earline: I swear I have no idea what all this is.

Mama: Earline- your name is on this bill of lading and there are four trucks outside with a dozen men wanting to know where to start unloading. Now here comes Li’l Einstein’s brother Pepe with his backhoe. Just what is going on??

Earline: I didn’t order anything, no matter what that paper says. What does it say, by the way?

Mama: (looking through sheaf of papers) 14 yards of gravel, 12 pallets of blue slate, 4 cement trucks, several tons of dirt, and an assortment of aquatic plants from Under the Sea Pond Accessories. C.O.D. And that’s just the first two pages. Page 3 is statuary, page 4 is outdoor furniture and page 5 is for Japanese koi and other exotic fish to be delivered in four days. These are all dated yesterday and put on overnight premium delivery. Plus it says to ask someone named A.H. for special instructions.

Earline: But that’s not me. I don’t even know anyone with those initials.

Door opens and Mr. Muscles enters: I just talked to the foreman. He said they were faxed plans last night detailing the design of a fish pond to be built in the courtyard enclosed by the east wing residence suites.

Earline: My window seat looks out over that space, and the suite’s French Doors open onto it, but..

Mama: Well, the area is plain and uninteresting. I was musing about what to do with it a couple days ago. Let me think. Yes, it was in the afternoon when Ta-da and Earline were off to the animal sanctuary again and I was kit… Earline, Muscles- wait here. I’ll be right back.

Mama takes off on a mission. Five minutes later in Earline’s bedroom:

Mama: (Sits down on the soon to be infamous window seat) In the future, you must be much more careful. It is far too soon, and…

Argon: Meeeew. (Translation- I’m really sorry.) {She jumps onto Mama’s lap and places a tiny paw on Mama’s cheek.}

Mama: But all things considered, a pond will be quite lovely out here. You are both right. It will be fully enclosed and safe for you and your guests to play with no chance of anyone getting lost. And the sound of gurgling water is very soothing. 

Heisenberg: Yeeoowww. Mrowff.  (Translation- we were just really excited.) {Rubs against Mama’s arm.}

Mama: We are alone. It is okay.

Heisenberg: We wanted to surprise her as a thank you for adopting us.

Argon: We stayed up all night researching and working to achieve the perfect design. 

Mama: I hope the fountain of Puss ‘N Boots in the middle doesn’t give it away. But I don’t think she’ll figure that out for a long time. 

Heisenberg. We thought it added just a touch of humor.

Argon: We will pay for it all, too. I’ll just fax Catacombs Feline Credit Union and they can wire transfer…

Mama: No, this will be my Happy New Year gift to this expanding family. 

Argon: How will you explain it? I guess we didn’t think of that. Who will A. H. be? 

Heisenberg: Perhaps the pond can be a gift from Zebrudus because he misses Earline. And Ta-Da’s cousin, Ah-Ha is a landscape architect. 

Mama: That will work. I’ll call them shortly. Meanwhile, your next assignment is landscaping selections. Perhaps some cattails, catnip and pussy willows to start. I’ll just get Muscles directing the workers and have Earline bring you both down to my office for kitten sitting. We can order the plants. She can go fetch refreshments.

Argon and Heisenberg: Purrrrfect.