Mama: Come in.
Earline: (very excited): Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Mama: You’re welcome, but a little more information would be relevant.
Earline: Well, I miss Zebrudus very much, but I understand he needs to go home, too, and see his family and he and I aren’t at the “Meet Mom and Dad” place yet although, er, um.. I guess that is too much information, but anyhow, after Christmas Eve and all that… (Stops to take a breath).
Mama: Yes, the Count and Countess are lovely people but why they rumble about in that drafty castle in those gloomy mountains I don’t… Well, I am sure you will meet them someday, dear. But why all the excitement?
Earline: Well, all of a sudden, Ta-Da has gotten to be my friend and now I have a Purpose.
Mama: Earline, I hope you do not think you can join her sisterhood. It is (ahem) genetically restricted for many reasons and frankly, I do not believe you qualify. Ta-da is African and is 6’ 4” tall. You are Caucasian and 5’ 5” tall. In addition…
Earline: (interrupting) No, no, no, nothing like that. All that helicopter stuff is way too scary and have you ever seen her throw a javelin?... and although (breath) the Scrounge and Lounge is the best place for clothes and I now know where she gets some of her supplies to make all those Fu…, er, pretty shoes and skirts and…(stops to breathe again).
Mama: Earline, get to the point. Please.
Earline: Well, she asked me if I could help her out yesterday and I thought she wanted me to help her with the clothes (breath) but I couldn’t figure out why since my fashion sense isn’t the best except for swimwear, but I am learning (breath) and then she said no, that was under control, but she needed help with something else and I said OK and we went to the animal sanctuary and helped (breath) with the cats and now I have a Purpose. (Pant, pant, pant).
Mama: Indeed? After one day?
Earline: Yup, er… yes, ma’am. Do you believe it? I have discovered that I want to help with the animals and I love the kittens and they like me and cuddling them is fun. But why do some of them have dumb names and others have numbers?
Mama: Such as?
Earline: Let me show you. (She goes into the hallway and returns a moment later with a large basket.) See? This is Dale Earnhardt, Jr. (Lifts out small buff colored feline with brown tufted ears and hands it to Mama). That is the stupidest name ever for a cat.
Kitten temporarily known as Dale: Nrowf? Hissssss. (Translation: You’re telling me? My litter mates were named Kyle Busch, Denny Hamlin and Danica Patrick)
Mama: (looks into kitten’s face and nods). Yes. But he says er…I believe his father was named Dale Earnhardt, so being Dale Earnhardt, Jr. is logical. I am sure he would not mind a different name at all.
Kitten temporarily known as Dale: Rrrooow (Translation: No kidding.)
Earline: And this one (lifts out grey furry bundle) is Cat 4217. Now who names a cat a number?
Cat 4217: Nrowwt Mew. (Translation: Not me.)
Mama: I am sure the numbers are only for record keeping. The adopter can rename their new pet whatever they wish. (Takes kitten from Earline and looks into her eyes.) This one agrees, er… Just why do you have these kittens, Earline?
Earline: I am adopting them. I know I can take care of them. I promise I’ll do everything right. I even borrowed some books from the library about taking care of kittens and I’ve been reading articles on the internet. And these two just came over to me and put their paws up on my leg and my heart melted. It was like they were talking to me.
Mama: Ahhh…Let me think for a minute. (Closes eyes while absently petting kittens).
Earline: Please, please, please.
Both kittens: Mrrrowww, trillllllp (Translation: Let’s get this charade over with)
Mama: Earline, I agree. This is just the correct amount of responsibility for you to balance with your expanding life interests. But- when you are out, they will be with me here in my office.
Both kittens: Brrrrp, mreep (Translation: Finally- we can get some work done)
Earline: Thank you. Now what do I name them? I was thinking something scientific or chemistry because of Zebrudus. The Dale one could be named Heisenberg after that quark guy. It sounds intelligent and he seems like a smart kitty. Maybe he could help me with science stuff. Ha ha.
Kitten temporarily known as Dale: Meow yow. (Translation: Werner Heisenberg- I look like him, too!)
Mama: (looking at kitten, then nuzzling him): I am sure he will be honored.
Heisenberg (kitty formerly known as Dale Earnhart, Jr): Yow, Brrow (Translation: I am, thanks Mama)
Earline: Now Cat 4217 looks grey-blue, so I looked at the Chemistry chart…
Mama: Do you mean the Periodic Table of Elements?
Earline: Yup, that’s it. So, anyhow, I found out that those noble gases burn colors and Argon burns blue. Since Cats 4217 is kinda bluish she can be Argon and that is noble like a royalty person, but not those stuffy boring ones.
Argon: (kitty formerly known as Cat 4217) Trillllp Yow (Translation: Perfect. I am Russian Blue and you will treat me with respect).
Mama: (nuzzling Argon, whispers): Watch the attitude, Princess.
Argon: Bripp (Translation: Sorry, Mama)
Earline: So are we good to go? I will set everything up and make sure it is all good. What will Zebrudus think?
Mama: I would not be willing to hazard a guess. Just keep in mind, dear, that care of a pet involves a lot more than finding it a name. And if you are serious about helping at the animal sanctuary and sharing your life with these who furry friends who have chosen you… well, we shall see. Now off you go.
Earline: Great. I’ll just gather up the basket and litter and kibble and bowls and pans and toys and scratcher and blankets and the kittens. Oh dear- I may need more than one trip. May I borrow the elevator key, please?
Heisenberg and Argon: Mrowff mew yow. (Translated- Maybe we can hide under the bed a lot.)