Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Mama's First Annual Household Reinvention Competition

Dear Candidates:
On behalf of Mama, Inc. I would like to thank you for submitting your inventions to Mama’s First Annual Household Reinvention Competition. Over 1,000 ideas were received, more than 98% submitted by women.
Without conscious effort, most submissions, as Mama, Inc. had hoped, were aimed at improving the ease of women’s lives in areas traditionally dominated by men or which frequently irritate women.
Our First Runner Up winner is Talia Vishion for her repurposing the entertainment equipment remote control device to become more female oriented. Her innovative incorporation of dedicated voice recognition software is brilliant.
The Dominant Female of the household programs the remote to activate any command only with her final approval. If any male attempts to utilize any button on the command remote or engage any equipment without first asking politely for permission, he will receive a mild electric shock. With each subsequent misstep, the shock strength increases. The strength of the increased shock is adjustable depending on the current desire of the Dominant Female. PMS days can become a real bitch.
Also commendable is the redesign of the device to ergonomically fit a female hand. Buttons have been arranged to a sensible setup and color coded to a logical pattern and size. Useless guy options such a “picture in a picture” have been eliminated. Voice programming of most frequently used commands is an optional feature.
The unit is compatible with gaming equipment for one integrated control  device. Cover choices are available in a variety of patterns and colors. The lightweight design is an additional plus.

The First Place Winner is the redesigned One Shelf Refrigerator, submitted by Kendra Moore. Moore’s inspiration was the observation that males only acknowledge or notice food items in the middle of the top fridge shelf, so she designed a linear one shelf fridge model. Easily mounted around any kitchen beneath the upper cabinets, the unit is controlled the same as a traditional vertical refrigerator.
Size of cooling space is flexible with individually designed sub units connecting with a simple snap together assembly.  Units are sized to fit all traditional cabinet widths. Custom units are also available. Units can be added or removed as needed. Replacement of any broken unit is simple and much less costly than purchasing a new traditional cooling unit.
Counter space remains open for flexible use and extra space is gained in place of the bulky traditional refrigerator. A separate small freezer unit will fit right into the place where the bulky fridge once stood. Additional counter space is yours.
The units come in traditional wood grain to match cabinets, stainless, clear glass or black. For non-glass doors static cling silhouettes of common food items can be placed on the outside so the males in the house can match the location of the desired food or beverage items to their location. Print additives are also available for men who choose to initiate reading skills.
Additional advantages include arranging food items above or beneath related cookware or table ware. Beverages can be placed below the cabinet storing glassware, meat and vegetables directly above pots and pans, near the stovetop. Doors can be installed to lift up, tilt down or roll sideways.
Mama, Inc. congratulates the winners. First Runner Up will receive a Porsche Cayenne, contract for production of the invention and a large cash prize.
The First Place Winner will receive a larger cash prize, contract for production of the invention, and a month with Herr Hunk on his uncharted island in the tropics.

Mama says, “Enjoy, Ladies- you earned it, and 3 cheers from all women.”