Thursday, March 13, 2014

The XX Rated Business Factor

Two friends meet and discuss employment trends.

Friend One: Congratulations on your new job.

Friend Two: Thanks. I’m glad it all worked out. Now maybe I’ll get a good, stress free night’s sleep. Binky's been away so I have no one to distract me lately.

Friend One: I know the whole mess has been bothering you since the now ex Mr. Dog Food terminated your services.

Friend Two: That was an Error on his part. It was a great distraction for me- a little bit of writing. But I really won’t be doing a lot of the daily grunt work. The ex-wives and ex-dogsitter requested that pleasure. It will give them all something positive and satisfying to share, besides the ex connection with ex Mr. Dog Food.

Friend One: Perfect!

Friend Two: Well, they apparently know more about his business than he ever did. Ex-Wife One’s new husband was his silent investor, and Ex-Wife Two’s brother owns the manufacturing plant. He mysteriously became the CEO of the holding company quite recently. And as for the dog sitter- Mr. DF never learned that you don’t mess with the woman who tends to your 4 legged companions while you’re off mismanaging your business. She is the Lady Dr. Doolittle if there ever was one.

Friend One: How did you keep it all a secret from him?

Friend Two: Well, you know those military types don’t think very creatively to start with. I just made a couple calls and the rest pretty much fell in place.

Friend One: My new website, has connected a lot of women for some ultimate good.

Friend Two: Yes, I’m so glad you developed it. Plus Mrs. Binky Sr brokered the deal to add another layer of anonymity. Mr. DF couldn't pay on time when Ex-Wife One’s new hubby called in the loan, so he had no choice but to take the deal. I guess the fine print was too fine for the small minded to see. All the phony Southern charm must have blurred his vision.

Friend One: The ex-wives are very lovely ladies. They've moved on quite nicely from the days of canine inspired marriage.

Friend Two: Please, no Doggie Style jokes.

Friend One: You spoil the fun at times, you know.

Friend Two: Well, at least now they won’t have any airport waiting lines. I had two Lear jets spruced up for business travel. Down time in terminals is so tedious.

Friend One: So how did he take the news?

Friend Two: He tried the Good Old Boy thing but Mrs. Binky Sr. just gave him The Look. It's worked with two vice presidents and three congressmen, so he didn't stand a chance. He signed everything she slid in front of him. No questions. The mild electric current running through his chair may have sped the process up a bit, too.

Friend One: So what happened after the papers were all signed?

Friend Two: Mrs. Binky Sr. invited him to a Meet and Greet with the new owners. The four of us were waiting in the boardroom just down the hall watching the feed. You knew Mama Network bought the building a few months ago and upgraded everything.

Friend One: What did he say?

Friend Two: Well, since he had never actually met me, I greeted him first. He must have thought I was some exploitable flunkie and started to ask me for a beverage or something. Then Mrs. & Mrs. Ex and Lady Doolittle walked out from the inner office and his jaw dropped. It was quite entertaining. He finally recognized me when I asked him why he was still wearing jeans and a sweatshirt to a business meeting.

Friend One: Did you have to call security?

Friend Two: Only after he tried to order us out of “his” ex-office. I don’t think he really understood that he was MY guest. Mrs. Binky Sr. tried to explain, but he got a bit feisty. The Baltic twins were nearby and they each took him by an arm and helped him enjoy a ride to the airport.

Friend One: So where is he now?

Friend Two: You know how he said he’d be happiest on a ranch with just animals?

Friend One: You didn’t…

Friend Two: I did. I have this piece of desert in New Mexico that needs tending. I built a rough cabin, stocked it up with some garden tools and equipment, seeds, some canned goods and basic accouterments.

I dug a well and left a map to the nearby mine. One of the papers he signed without close inspection is a five year lease agreement. He’ll have his dogs as long as he maintains them. Once a month I’ll stop by with dog food and see how the farm is coming. He needs to pay rent, which is doable if he spends his time wisely. The mine has active silver veins and I left him a gemology/precious metals course to study.

Friend One: He should be able to figure out the gravity fed irrigation thing, too. Those ex-military guys are usually somewhat self-sufficient. At least the good ones are.

Friend Two: Yes, he should. He’ll even be able to shower if he rigs it up right. He has other animals nearby- some lizards, snakes, and a few camels and mules. Almost like the childhood farm. And think of all the new jobs we created.

Friend One: Just doing our part for the economy. I wish I could have been there, but that odious Russian man, well- never mind about him. By the way, does that cabin have a guest room?

Friend Two: Don't get distracted. Here, take a look at the XX Business Factor edited short. Then we'll go clean out a suddenly available office. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of watching this. *click*