Doughnuts and Muffins

Earline and Mama are having lunch together. Earline is buying:

Earline: (Smiles at Mama) Is your salad good?

Mama (Nods): Yes. The kitchen staff here always makes good meals. The head chef knows I eat here often and that I sign his paycheck.  

Earline: Isn’t that a bit unfair?

Mama: Not really. He is just excellent at his craft and I enjoy what he cooks. I wouldn’t be here otherwise. But enough of that.  What is on your mind, Earline?

Earline: I just want to thank you for the great advice you gave me a while ago.

Mama: To which pearl of wisdom are you referring?

Earline: Huh? Oh- I guess you mean what advice. Well, the one about how to get people to do what you want. I have been practicing and it is working out very well. I could never have figured all that out and your sharing it has helped me so much.

Mama: How so?

Earline: I have an A in Chemistry due to all the help my classmates have given me. All I had to do was be nice and friendly and give them some swimming pointers. They are so smart in science.

Mama: I am glad. So now that you have covered 1-4 with me, just what is your 5?

Earline: Well, it is personal again.

Mama: I am not surprised. But your candor is refreshing.

Earline: OK- so even though you are so old, er… mature now, I guess you were young once. You and Mr. Muscles had to meet sometime. I want to know um… I guess you love him even though the thought of old people doing… *cough cough*

Mama: Doughnuts and Muffins

Earline: Huh? You want dessert but you still have salad.

Mama: No, my little twit, men are either doughnuts or muffins.

Earline: I don’t get it. Are you getting that old lady disease?

Mama: No, Earline. Author Jennifer Crusie equates men to doughnuts or muffins. She says that doughnuts are the men who make you drool. They are gorgeous and crispy and covered in yummy icing and you see one and you have to have it, and if you don’t get it, you think about it all day and then go back to get it because it is a doughnut.

Earline: Mmm… I know about that. The real doughnut icing, I mean.

Mama: Earline- Snap out of the imaginary sugar high and focus.

Earline: OK  *Sigh*. Doughnut make us drool.

Mama: And at first sight muffins sit there all lumpy and they look alike and have no icing. While your favorite muffin is excellent, it is no doughnut.

Earline: So doughnuts are good.

Mama:  Well, for one night. But the next morning they aren’t crisp anymore, and the icing is stuck all to the bag, and they have watery stuff all over them, and they are icky and awful. You can’t keep a doughnut overnight.

Earline: But a muffin is better the next day??

Mama: Muffins are for the long haul and always taste good. They may not have the gotta-have-it-now thing the doughnuts do but you still want them the next morning. *Smiles to herself*

Earline: They taste even better and they are more appealing and you know they are better in the long run.

Mama: Exactly. They become seasoned. But beware! There are doughnuts pretending to be muffins. And muffins pretending to be doughnuts. The trick is to discern the muffin you want from the bag and even if it is a bit doughnut like you can still enjoy the frosting and the sprinkles knowing the underlying muffin value.

Earline: I think I get it. But I gotta think some more. Then go to the bakery.

Mama: Earline, be very cautious. I don’t want you to make a decision you will later deeply regret. 

Earline: (Smiling) Can you trust me this time? I am growing up and this responsibility thing is ok in bits and pieces.   

Mama: I will give you that. (Pats her hand) Now I must go. Thank you for the lunch and food for thought.

Earline: Food for thought. That’s good. Now I need to think about doughnuts and muffins.

Mama strolls through the park for a few minutes contemplating recent events.  Sitting on a bench she composes two lengthy texts. After sending them she looks up idly to see an oblivious Earline heading down another path with a bakery box in her hand.